A little bit of life...

As the medley of thoughts crowd my head, I wonder if I can actually write it out. But then, I realize, any more dillying-dallying and I wont ever write this. So at 4am in the morning, I head for a shower, summing up in my head the events in the past four nights (the days have mostly been wasted in classes, eating and sleep). 1 fight, 2 birthdays, 5 movies and loads of quotable quotes.
But today did it - The Shawshank Redemption. As Andy Dufresne's stoic struggle to reclaim his life brings wonder to my weary eyes, I remember the old adage - When the going gets tough, the tough get going. As my father used to say, "You haven't lived life until you've gone through struggle. As long as you have food in your tummy and clothes on you, you'll never stretch yourself to your potential." Andy didn't do anything typically great, but he was a great man. Men can be great for a variety of reasons. Ask Linda Goodman of the twelve sun signs and she'll prove that each one is great. Every one has a little magic in themselves. Andy was great in a sense that is incomprehensible to us in our daily lives. But he was a hero in a way. So was Brooks and so was Red.
For the past few nights, as I lie awake wondering, I am not looking for salvation. I am not looking for the material pleasure that most seem to seek. I am looking for the reason to be awake, to be living. When I get high, its not because I want to forget something that I no longer have. It is not because I am in a rut, its because I want to get out of one. I wish to attain my destiny, my potential, my eventual calling. Anything less is out of the question - superfluous, fleeting and as Goenkaji says, 'Ephemeral'. Its just not enough.
John Bridger tells Charlie in 'The Italian Job', " There are two kinds of thieves; Those that steal to enrich their lives and those that steal to define theirs." I have my own take on it "There are two kinds of people; Those that live to utilise their lives and those that live to complete it. Don't be the latter."
But how. With typical Libran swinging-back-and-forth, I wear confusion as second skin. Whats my calling? Where am I headed? Where am I meant to be? I don't know yet. Thats one fact. I am not hungry right now. Thats another. Steve Jobs gave me one advice - Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish. Same thing my dad told me. Same thing Jacob Kominski said when Danny Kaye ran away from home or quit the play, albeit with a different choice of words. Wisdom of the ages I can say. But where does it take me. To this - Maybe my charted path is different, maybe my route is different, maybe its the path less taken. Maybe, never taken. But it is my path. And no one can feel the rain on my skin but me. Theres no confusion about that. Characteristic Libran clarity.